You ask me how I'm going, and I look at you and wonder if you really want to know?
Do you want to hear that each and every day I put on my "normal" mask?
Do you want to know that if I have to wear my mask for too long that I get to the stage where I have to run away and rip it off or I will go insane?
Do you want to know that I get headaches every day because this mask no longer fits - I am not the same person you once knew, even though I try to keep up the pretence.
Do you want to know that try as I might it is hard to get enthusiastic about things now?
Do you want to know that I still have nightmares about "that day"?
Do you really want to know that my heart still aches, and my throat is still tight?
Do you really want to know that I will never "be over it", and that at 6 months I am only just beginning to accept that it happened?
I look in your face and think no. You want to look at my happy mask. You want to show you are compassionate by asking, but you want me to make you feel good by telling you I am okay. You really do not want to help me feel better today by listening, so I respond "I'm okay"
Tears, rolling down my face.
I can't bear the pain.
Why were you taken when we had so much left to gain?
Tears, rolling down my face.
I miss you so.
Why were you taken when we had so much left to do?
Tears, rolling down my face.
That I loved you, there is no doubt.
Why were you taken when we had so much left to talk about?
Tears, rolling down my face.
I so wanted to be your wife.
Why were you taken when you were so full of life?
Tears, rolling down my face.
I will never forget you.
Why, oh why were you taken when we had so much left to do?
It started as a friendship,
I never had a clue.
Suddenly my heart went skip,
I fell in love with you.
You expanded my horizons,
You made me feel alive!
I wanted you forever,
Oh, how you made me thrive!
I loved the way you made me smile,
I loved your heart so true.
I loved the way you trusted me,
My love for you just grew.
So many things against us,
The odds were really high.
I can't believe I lost you,
The man who made me fly.
I was blessed to have you in my life,
To lose my heart to you.
In time I know we'll meet again,
And start our life anew.
Gone from this world; it could not be true.
You left in an instant, taking my heart with you.
Inside me now a gaping hole, an incredible ache.
Nothing could prepare me, please let it be a mistake.
I struggle to mend, and to live my life anew.
I struggle to live my life without the real you.
I know I will survive, I know I will come through.
While you kept your piece of me with you, I keep my piece of you.
In everything I do, you are there, our souls entwined.
I carry you in my heart; I carry you in my mind.
You were my inspiration; you were my light.
You will always be my inspiration, and always be my light.
I love you Hector.
I lost my lover, I lost my best friend.
I need for someone to
comprehend.
I am moving forward, I am being strong,
But why is weakness
so wrong?
Every minute of every day I am strong.
I put on my mask and I
joke and I laugh.
However there's only so long I can keep going on.
Each
day is eternity since he's been gone.
The burden of grief is an incredible load,
I know I need help
to travel this road.
I stumble, then reach for someone to hold.
"You've
got to be strong, you've got to move on" I'm told.
I sit on the roadside with
sadness and cry.
"You've got to be strong, you've got to move on" they sigh.
I buckle under this burden I carry each day.
"You've got to be strong, you've
got to move on" they say.
I lost the love of my life; I lost my heart and soul.
I just
need a little help to stay in control.
I am being strong, so strong,
But
why, oh why is weakness so wrong?
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
I thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and
The day before that too.
I think of you in silence,
I often say your name,
But all I have is memories and
Your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part,
God has you in his keeping,
I have you in my heart.
I shed tears for what might have been,
A million times I've cried,
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still,
In my heart you hold a place,
No-one could ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone,
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.
Please, don't ask me if I am over it.
I will never be over it!
Please, don't tell me he is in a better place.
He isn't here with me!
Please, don't tell me he isn't suffering.
I haven't come to terms with why
he had to suffer at all.
Please, don't ask me if I feel better.
For bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please, don't tell me
at least you had him for so many years.
What year would you choose for your loved one to die?
Please, don't ever tell me that
God doesn't give us more then we can handle.
Please, just say you are sorry.
Please, just say that you remember him.
Please, just talk to me about him.
Please, just mention his name.
Please, just let me cry.
If tears could build a stairway
And memories make a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
To bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say Good-bye.
You were gone before I new it.
And only God knows why.
My heart, it aches in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.
You are with the Angels
High in your heavenly home.
I would have held you closer,
If I had only known.
You asked, "How am I doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...
and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me drained away.
"How am I doing?"...I do better when people listen,
though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable.
If you've never known it you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away,
When I'm ignored,
I am again alone with it
Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're nature's way of helping me to heal...
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
I know you fear that asking how I'm doing brings me sadness
...but you're wrong.
The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not
give me the pain...it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing
what to do?
You are not helpless,
And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
you've helped me
You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient...do not fear.
Listening with your heart to "how I am doing"
relieves the pain,
for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases what I've been wanting to say aloud,
clearing space
for a touch of joy in my life.
I'll cry for a minute or two...
and then I'll wipe my eyes,
and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots...
because I'm trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt...me, because my pain is held inside,
a shield against our closeness...and you,
because suddenly we're distant.
So please, take my hand and see me through my tears...
then we can be close again.
I'd like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow of
smiles when day is done.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering
softly down the ways,
Of happy times, and laughing times,
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve
to dry before the sun,
Of happy memories that I leave
behind when day is done.
If I knew it was the last time
I'd see you fall asleep,
I would hug you more tightly
and pray your soul to keep.
If I knew it was the last time
I'd see you out the door,
I'd give you a hug and kiss
and then call you back for more.
If I knew it was the last time
I'd be there to share your day,
I'd have cherished every moment,
Instead of letting it slip away.
If I knew it was the last time
I'd hear your sexy voice,
I'd have taped each and every word,
and re-listen and listen and rejoice.
If I knew it was the last time
I'd see your face so clear,
I'd have held you closer
And not let death come near.
If I knew it was the last time,
If I knew it all would end.
I'd have stopped to say "I love you,"
again and again and again.
Death is nothing. I am still here.
What we were to each other, we still are.
Speak to me the way you always used to;
Laugh as we always laughed.
Joke and share with me.
Include me, smile for me, think of me, love me.
Do not forget me just because you cannot see me.
Your life still has all the meaning it once had.
Live it and enjoy it, I am with you still.
My love for you is not lost, it has not waned.
My love for you has intensified, and I will be here for you.
A moment for me is a lifetime for you.
Your life is precious, to me, to you.
Ensure that lifetime is joyous and full of learning.
I am still with you, and I hope you can feel me.
Our love is eternal, our separation essential.
Be assured that I am with you.
When tomorrow starts without me
And I am not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you would not cry
The way you did today.
While thinking of the many things
We did not get to say.
I know how much you love me
As much as I love you.
And each time that you think of me
I know you will miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I would have to leave behind,
All those I dearly loved.
But when I walked though heavens gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.
He said " This is eternity,
And all I promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
For today will always last,
And since each days the same way,
There is no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Do not think were far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I am right there in your heart.
At the finest level of my being,
you're still with me.
We still look at each other,
at that level beyond sight.
We talk and laugh with each other,
in a place beyond words.
We still touch each other,
on a level beyond touch.
We share time together in a place,
where time stands still.
We are still together,
on a level called Love.
But I cry alone for you,
in a place called reality.
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